Jessica Simpson Admits She Sucks

As we mentioned earlier, Jessica Simpson had one hell of a shiteous concert Thursday night in Michigan.

She stopped during songs, forgot her own lyrics, and had so many mess-ups you have to wonder what’s going on with her.

The singer is rapidly slipping down to rock bottom!

Well, today her reps are hard at work trying to squash away any rumors of a “meltdown.”

Simpson’s publicist offers the lame excuse that “Jessica had an off night. She’s a perfectionist and wanted to start some songs over. She always wants to give the best performance for her fans.”

If she’s a “perfectionist”, wouldn’t that mean she would have practiced her songs several times and gotten them right the first time performing?

We don’t know any perfectionists that forget the lyrics to their own songs.

We want a better excuse!

Blame Jack – Daniels!

[Image via WENN.]

Headline Of The Week Weak

“Seal brain, penguin breasts off Antarctic menus”

Lucky penguins! CLICK HERE to read the article accompanying this headline.

[Image via WENN.]

Seal brain, penguin breasts off Antarctic menus

Once the “delicacies of the Antarctic,” fresh seal brains, penguin eggs or grilled cormorant are off the menu at research bases where chefs rely on imported and often frozen food.

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R.I.P.

Cosmetics giant Estee Lauder is cutting 2,000 jobs – the company announced on Friday.

What Recession????

Tickets to the London leg of Madonna’s extended Sticky & Sweet Tour have sold out mere minutes after their release.

Her Madgesty’s S&S outing has already proved to be one of the top grossing solo tours ever, and she’s on her way to making even more moolah.

What divorce?

[Image via WENN.]

Bale’s Apology, In His Own Words

As we mentioned earlier today, angry actor Christian Bale called in to Los Angeles’ KROQ Friday morning and apologized on the Kevin & Bean show for that scary tirade on the set of Terminator Slavation that has become an Internet hit.

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Breaking News! LezLo And saMAN Still Together – And SMILING!

We’ve come to accept the fact that we will never understand the connection that exists between LezLo and saMAN. They’re like a beautiful mystery of nature, a phenomenon that can only be described as “miraculous.”

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Skanky O’Day STILL Talking About Danity Kane Break Up

Aubrey O’Day is trying to get a little bit of press – without having to spread open her legs!

The former Danity Kane slut just took to her official blog to get something off her (fake) chest.

She says:

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Completely Gratuitous

Emily Blunt looking delicious on the cover of the new U.K. edition of Harper’s Bazaar.

Krasinski is one lucky fella!

Who Made It Rain???

Who needs the Oscars when the “real winners” of 2008 are the studios who earned the most bang for their buck?

The “winners” according to Forbes Magazine, at least.

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Kids Love Lesbo Action! I Kissed a Girl Up for Kid’s Choice Favorite Song

Nickelodeon has announced the nominees for its 22nd Annual Kids’ Choice Awards and Katy Perry is in the running for Favorite Song!

Miz Perry’s I Kissed a Girl is up against Rihanna’s Don’t Stop the Music, Kiss Kiss by Chris Brown and Beyonce’s Single Ladies.

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